Why can't people take no for an answer? For some time, I've been showing my friends my appreciation for being in my life by doing little things. Small things like buying them lunch to large things like buying them a watch they wanted on their birthday. The reason I do these things is to show them that there are people that do love them; that do care for them; that wants what's best for them. And that they are the most special people in my life and I want to show them how I feel about them. Every day they always ask me what can they do for me. I always say no. I don't want anything from them.

We may not have a lot of friends but the ones we do have should do something that shows that we do appreciate them. Let's be honest, we can be handful mentally and emotionally. Most people will just walk away, but there are the few that stick around. And if they're willing to stick with us through the good times and bad, then we need to do something nice. So the next time you see your friends, do a small gesture that shows them your appreciation. Nothing too flashy like a trip to Vegas (That's too much). Something like offering them to buy them lunch or even a small gift like a box of chocolates. Just the smallest gesture of kindness will make their day. (Works for the ladies! - Trust Me)

Here's the catch: DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN! I'm not saying this to tell you that they won't appreciate you doing something for them. All I'm saying is that if you are going to do something, you shouldn't expect them to pay you back or return the favor. If you go in with that mindset, then the gesture loses its meaning and you're doing it for the wrong reason. You should only do it because you want to thank them for being in your life.   

My friends asked me what I wanted for Christmas. What I want for my Birthday. What can they do to show their appreciation for all the things I have done for them. And I always give them the same answer, NO. I don't want them to do anything for me. The only thing I really want from them is their happiness and their company. That's all I want and that is more than enough. But I know they'll still do it. This is an uphill battle. And I'm losing.

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Comment by Denver NeVaar on January 1, 2014 at 8:00pm

You might want to consider the possibility that your friends are trying to do exactly what you are recommending readers of this essay to do.  Giving should never be a one-way street--in either direction. 

Comment by Ryan Haydock on January 3, 2014 at 7:57pm

I know this 90 year old World War II veteran, who constantly gives me hell for my having long hair. One day I told him, "you lived through the 60's, didn't you? You should be used to this." And then I told him, "my hair is popular with the ladies."

And what he told me, I will never forget, because he is a 90 year old and a great survivor of life, and war. He said, "if you want to be popular with the ladies, you have to have a good attitude."

And, yes. I think he's right. And I think that's it. All one ever needs to offer, in friendship, is a good attitude. I was intimidated by that old man, for a long time, and I used to get frustrated with his jibes. But he kept at me, and eventually I broke down, and I came to appreciate him, because he had a good attitude, and that is probably one of the key reasons why he has lived so long.

I am also one who likes to show gestures appreciation. Sometimes people do not understand the way in which I show that appreciation. One thing, I think though, is that it is important to let others help me, when there is a good precedent for it. Relationships are give and take, and people WANT to be helpful - if you do not let them, then you rob them of the same joy that they would feel, helping you, that you feel so deeply when you help them.

The people who care about us, are not interested in seeing us slavishly lavishing attention on them. The people who care about us, care about our wellbeing. They want us to be healthy and balanced people, so that they can share that mutual appreciation with us. It is a reciprocal relationship. If we are not healthy and balanced people, and if we do not allow others to tend to our needs in the way that they can, then we really cannot be there to support them, in a way that they may really need it. Because then, we are too busy being servile, when what is needed is a friend. A friendship is a relationship that is based on equality.

Comment by Michael Johnson on January 4, 2014 at 3:39pm

I've been reading your comments and they all have merit. I just want clear up a couple of things. All I'm saying is that you don't have to do this every day or every week or every month. Just do it as a surprise, just on a whim. And you should let your friends do something for you. I should have re worded it differently. I'm just saying that you should do it because you care about them and you shouldn't expect anything just because you were nice to them. Just have a certain mindset when doing something for them.

Comment by Denver NeVaar on January 4, 2014 at 5:37pm

Yes, being awake, alert, and alive each moment to any positive opportunity or possibility is a wonderful way to live.  I agree completely with your sentiment in this area.  On a similar note, to guide my action or response within any situation and to affirm that my focus is not only upon what I may receive, I sometimes use the question "what kind of person will I show myself to be?"


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