Well, I managed to do it again -- get really far with something, and then blow it at the end. Back to square one, as usual! I thought maybe by some miracle I wouldn't crucify myself in the interview for this training program I've been harping on, but no such luck! Couldn't call stuff to mind when they asked me questions. I won't go into all the sordid details, but here is what I am choosing to take out of it: This particular type of job is ideally suited to me. Therefore, even though this particular program has not worked out ("as usual"), it just means that I will have to find another way to go about this. If I'm dedicated enough to go it alone, without an outside framework, and essentially train myself, I can take all the examinations to become certified at this coding and I will most certainly be able to find some temporary assignments, and then perhaps full time employment. I always do better by easing myself into situations where people can get used to working with me and begin to understand and appreciate my hidden strengths. I've always destroyed myself at interviews, so I guess if I can find a way to do this without interviews, then I can save myself a lot more grief. It takes so darned much courage and dedication to design the whole thing myself and stick to it, but the only alternative is to take some horridly expensive course that would cover a lot of extraneous stuff that I've already basically done in the past. Or maybe I can put together sort of a combination of my own study with one or two courses that seem really directly applicable. The one thing that is good about this is that I don't feel like totally giving up, despite this setback. I can see a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow, even if I have to take a different route there.