Comment by Denver NeVaar on January 16, 2013 at 11:41am

I'm not at all familiar with resources in Ohio, but if I were in your position and couldn't find anything else, I would probably check with local universities' psychology and sociology departments to see if they might know some contacts to explore; perhaps the social or mental services department of the county in which you live would have some suggestions also.  

Comment by laughinghelps on January 16, 2013 at 1:30pm

not too sure you can find help in the marriage counseling area, anywhere - my husband has aspergers syndrome - i became extremely frustrated in both reading literature "for" neurotypicals married/in relationships with aspies & going to various marriage counselors - it/they all seemed so negative and discouraging - i started my blog http://laughinghelps2.blogspot.com to encourage others to be successful in similar relationships

 what helps most for me is to read everything i can on aspergers itself (both by professionals and those who have aspergers), having faith, and exercising my sense of humor as much as possible

good luck and i sincerely hope you can reunite your family - for all of your sakes... julie

Comment by Denver NeVaar on January 16, 2013 at 3:13pm

I wouldn't go so far as to say that there's no help out there anywhere, but you will probably have to adapt and "custom-fit" whatever you find--just so you know to expect that.  

Just coming from a perspective of common sense, I would suggest beginning with language modifications--learning to use direct and descriptive language, for example, rather than idioms or inaccurate terms.  When I first became friends with a friend who has been blind since birth, she pointed out changes in language that were sensitive to her perspective.  For example, I no longer say to her, "it's over there."  Instead, I may inform her that the object she dropped (which she is attempting to retrieve) is approximately six inches beyond the fingertips of her left hand.  Everything I tell her must be described in specific rather than general terms.  I don't walk up and grab her hand in greeting without first saying, "May I shake your hand" or "can I give you a hug."  

I'm just a beginner in this whole world of dealing with degrees of autism, but it seems to me that if an autistic person is confronted with a complex situation, it may be helpful to help them organize the challenge into manageable and sequential steps, rather than trying to deal with everything simultaneously.  I'm sure there a thousand other suggestions your wife could offer, which would make things easier for her to understand and manage.  Personally, I find the establishment of predictable routines to be reassuring.  It sounds like a first step for you and your family, however, would be to get a clear diagnosis and inventory of your wife's challenges--not to show her that she's defective in any way, but rather to identify what strategies or approaches would be empowering to her.  

Comment by laughinghelps on January 17, 2013 at 11:49am

my point was that searching for "marriage counseling" might not be productive - you may want to work with an apergers syndrome counselor who specifically deals with aspie 'stuff' and can help with communication issues (of which, by far, will be most effected in an nt/aspie marriage)

by reading about/for/by aspergers info, you can gain a great deal of insight into the 'world according to aspergers syndrome' - skip any 'autism' material for the moment as aspergers is a 'horse of a different color' 

does your wife have any degree of prosopagnosia (face blindness)? this is a difficult area for some - not knowing friends or family by sight, not recognizing facial expressions at all - for all intents and purposes it is like dealing with a blind person - they can't absorb visuals, so it greatly limits communication

again, i urge you to read, read, read - most counselors only meet once a week for 45-60 minutes - no way is that enough to gain the knowledge and help you will need - and be patient...

Comment by laughinghelps on January 17, 2013 at 11:51am

(*limits communication* - we often expect our spouse to be able discern our moods, emotions, reactions by sight and with an aspie, that usually just doesn't happen)

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