"It's Just an Excuse": Living with Aspergers(inspired by Michael John Carley)

A very familiar thing I hear, quite often actually. First and foremost, allow me to explain to you what an "Invisable Illness" is in case you don't know what that is. An "Invisable Illness" is one that is not usually show, or doesn't seem to be affecting someone's physical features. They are generally more inward and mental. Though some, like Lupis, do affect your mobility as well. This being said, I would like to take this time for anyone willing to listen to explain what is like living with Aspergers. In case no one knows yet(and I have said on multiple occassions that I have Aspergers), I have Aspergers. Let me give you a brief crack down on what this "disorder"(I agree with Michael John Carly(Author of Asperger's from the Inside and Out) that Aspergers isn't an illness, but rather a disorder(it might be the other way around actually) is. Basically, in the most basic way it is a social disorder. You might be laughing at the thought of such a thing existing, but they do. What this disorder does is essentially make a lot of things people say in person very hard to interpret, and even more difficult in online situations. A person without Aspergers suffers from these from time to time, yes, but with Aspergers, it is like a 24/7 super market sweep. Everyone has issues telling what someone means online, but with Aspergers, it is even harder. Imagine...if you will, this scenario(which I can personally say has happened to me way too many times to count): Person: Hey, how are you?Me:I'm ok, you?Person: Good. What you doing?Me: Not much. You?Person:Oh just(insert response here.)

-4-5 minutes pass

Person: Hey, are you ok?

Me: I'm fine. Why?

Person: You seem to be acting abnormal.

Me:You know, it's not like I'm always sitting on this screen and waiting to instantly reply to what you say. I do other things.

Person: Ok, you just seemed really quite.

Me:I just said I was doing something...

Person: Whatever, I was just concerned...

Me:...I'm fine.

This just goes on until either they apologize, I say I'll talk to you later, or just get offline. Why does this happen? Well, with Aspergers, you feel like everything everyone says is an attack against you, or that you think they think you are deeply troubled just because you haven't said anything in a few minutes. Trust me, it's not pretty, and it sucks a lot.

What else does Aspergers do? You know that person who doesn't laugh and everyone else does in the room, but then like 3-5 minutes later they laugh out loud, and people are like "what's so funny?" "Oh, I just got the joke." Now, some people aren't good at getting jokes, so their brain might take a few minutes to process it. A person with Aspergers will most likely not get a very clever joke, or one that isn't direct. Even if they get the joke, they might not even laugh. This is not because we are depressed, but because generally people with Aspergers have a unique trigger that sets off their humor alarm. Me personally, I love satire(as do a lot of people with Aspergers) and random things(like the cut aways in Family Guy) and just things that seems so insane, it's hilarious(John Dies at the End is a great example, it's a book written by the Pseudo-name of the Cracked.com editor, David Wong about a drug called Soy Sauce.) A lot of people have certain things they laugh at, but it is generally true people without Aspergers will laugh at general jokes. The same is not always true with those with Aspergers. A person with Aspergers might spend minutes, or even hours trying to figure out a joke, even if they pretend to get it.

It is sad that society doesn't really understand this disorder. And even more sad that Autism is general isn't understood(yes. Aspergers is on the Autism Spectrum Disorder)(ASD) by society. Our society, in my opinon, is one of "If you don't get it, f*** you!" In other words, if you aren't "normal"(quick note on "normal": There isn't anything such as "normal." "Normal" is a word created by society that is conformed to those who act similiar. Basically, anyone without any problems that are not noticable. News flash, everyone has problems, and no one is "normal" because everyone is unique. To say there is a "normal standard" is, quite possibly, insane), then you are inferior to others. Our society would rather just say "You are making it up and using it as an excuse" rather then trying to research or read up on the conditions. No, I'm not saying that you should let anyone get away with saying whatever they want because they said "I have Aspergers" and they shouldn't say "It's ok, I have Aspergers." What most people who are trying to say when they say "I have Aspergers" is simply that- to tell you they have it. If the person they are speaking to has no clue what that is, they'll just get angry and yell at the person with Aspergers, saying something like "boo hoo" or "everyone has problems, learn to deal with them." Yes, we all do have problems, but this one is not an easy one to deal with.(especially in my scenario where depression and anxiety are added into the mix, so not only is a social disorder I'm dealing with, but also chemical imbalances in my brain which might further alter the thing said by someone in my brain.)

The next time you decide to automatically assume someone is making up something, take time to get to know that person, and understand what they might be dealing with or coming from.

Have a good night everyone,

Patrick O.Marsh

**Extra(personal experience.)

As you may or may not of known, I went to Sheppherd Pratt at the end of August in 2012. I went there for suicide attempt and overwhelming anxiety. I had told my mother to get on my Facebook and tell people where I would be, and the number at which they could contact me. Did anyone contact me? No(except for my family.) I only talked to one of my friend a few times on the phone those 10 days I was in there(and only because I had my mother look up his number in my cell phone which I wasn't allowed to have.) He was glad to hear from me, and I am glad that he at least took the time to listen to me. The fact remains no one would of called me unless I called them(some people didn't even know I was there until I got back and I clearly put it on my Facebook(my mother did.)

I would later find out from a friend that a lot of my friends thought that I was just "joking" or "went there for attention." Now, let me explain to you have f****** insane that sounds...first off, if you don't know what Sheppherd Pratt is, it's a mental health hospital/psyiatric ward, for people with a mirad of problems. People go there for drinking, drugs, abuse, suicide, and more. No one, NO ONE wants to go there on purpose. I admitted myself because I knew things were going to get very bad for me if I didn't. I had learned from this friend that people had gone to places like this for the sole purpose of attention, which I just found total b******* at first, but then realized how messed up this world can be. So the fact peopole thought I WAS THERE for attention, and didn't care to know how I was doing because they thought I was "making it up" made me very, very angry and extremely depressed and alone. It's not a joke. Suicide, cutting, any of these things. Anyone ill-minded enough to pretend to have a disorder and go here should be evaluated on a very high level for some disorder.

It made me think all my friends think my disorder and issues were a joke. Do you know how that makes someone feel? I am not making up anything. At all.

-Patrick O.Marsh

Tags: Aspergers, Carley, First, GRASP, Inside, John, Michael, Out, account, advice, More…from, hand, personal, perspective, the

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Comment by Denver NeVaar on January 16, 2013 at 12:49am: Clearly you've had some very black and white experiences of late. Most of mine of late, conversely, tend to be very gray. On one hand, it appears that an official diagnosis of high-functioning autism will finally make sense of a whole lot of social challenges which I've been struggling with throughout my life. It would be easy for me, consequently, to start saying whenever such a situation arises, "that's because I have high-functioning autism" (HFA). As true as that may be, I want to be sure that I do not cease striving to do my very best and to really try adjusting to and coping with circumstances, whenever some sort of resolution really is possible. I don't want to subconsciously slip into thinking there are things I can't do (even by an alternative approach) specifically because of HFA. It does seem, however, that an inordinate amount of time may have to be spent from now on, on educating others about what living with HFA means--and reminding them that I am only one unique example. I guess a principle challenge is that I will be the only one able to say how genuinely honest with myself and others I am being within any particular moment.

Comment by Patrick O. Marsh on January 16, 2013 at 5:13am: Please tell me more about HFA, I am completely in the dark about what that is.

Comment by Denver NeVaar on January 16, 2013 at 11:33am: I'm just learning and actually still working on getting an official diagnosis, but it seems extremely probable at this point. There seems to be some debate also as to whether or to what degree HFA is distinct from Aspergers--as well as what the exact definition of autism is anyway (considering the spectrum of manifestations it produces). From the diverse reading I've done throughout the last year and especially the last few months, the first thing to recognize seems to be the fact that one's brain-functioning is distinctly different and not "neuro-typical," especially in areas related to social functioning. HFA appears to frequently include a high IQ and at least a moderate amount of adaptability to social challenges, but a persistence in differences of linguistic interpretation and social perception that makes sustaining social and professional relationships quite difficult. I was once described, for example, as being "compulsively honest" and I continue to have great difficulty understanding people when their actions and their words are not congruent. Living my life according to an artificially imposed and in many ways incoherent social pattern is also very confusing to me. Examples of such social patterns are illustrated within comedic witticisms such as "Why do they call it the human race if no one ever wins?" and reverse-psychology idiomatic expressions such as "oh, that's really bad!" (in which case the word "bad" is being used idiomatically to mean "good"). In preparation for meeting with a clinical psychologist tomorrow to finally begin to clarify whether or not the classification of HFA legitimately and accurately applies to me, I have compiled a list of qualities which I have read can be associated with HFA which are also evidenced within the spectrum of my life experiences. I was somewhat surprised that I came up with over thirty specific examples, encompassing things ranging from slower mental processing speeds and the inability to multi-task to a certain dependence upon organization, single focus, the absence of chaos, and avoidance of feeling overwhelmed (which can produce in me what many refer to as an emotional/psychological melt-down). Suffice to say, there is a lot more to say about this subject and I am by no means an authority at this point. Remind me on Friday and I'll let you know some of what tomorrow's psychologist has to say.

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