Comment by Denver NeVaar on January 28, 2013 at 1:42am

Wow.  Definitely a rough ride.  Without knowing him very well, however, I'm skeptical that anyone here could effectively answer your final question.  Certainly there are a lot of possible interpretations.  Personally I advise against anyone running away from emotions or trying to ignore them, since our emotions are a significant part of what makes us human and are usually essential to bringing out our best qualities.  That being said, emotions can be extremely difficult to control and people sometimes try to exclude whatever they cannot control.  Clearly you and he are the ones who have to make whatever decision you both feel is right for you.  I would suggest, however, working on communication and empathy between you, since no recommendable relationship can long endure without those two interpersonal dynamics.  You may even decide that it might be helpful for both of you to be evaluated for Autism Spectrum conditions--not with the intent of figuring out what's wrong, but rather with an intention of knowing yourselves better, which will empower you to know your relationship better as well.  An assessment for AS could possibly take some of the mystery out of the quirkiness without judging any aspect of it as good or bad, in and of itself.  We are what we are, but it's up to each of us to make it as beautiful as possible.

Comment by Emily on January 28, 2013 at 11:47pm

Thank you, Denver. I appreciate your taking the time to respond. I am currently playing phone tag with a therapist in Denver who is an expert in the field. I would love to talk with h and have my guy meet him, as well. I would be more than relieved if both of us were to be assessed. Unfortunately, my guy doesn't seem to want to talk to anyone. He says that just because someone reads a book or two and writes some papers doesn't mean they know anything more than we do. He isn't willing or maybe able to even consider that right now. I haven't heard from him in days, which isn't uncommon. I'm trying my best to have a patient heart. You'd think after going through this so many times that I'd be better at it.

Comment by Denver NeVaar on January 29, 2013 at 10:06am

Having dealt with a number of psychologists over the years, I would have to agree with your guy--but only to a point.  While reading books and writing papers doesn't guarantee that one knows or understands more than anyone else, there are a significant number of professional counsellors who have in fact managed to increase their knowledge and understanding by doing so.  The best counsellors are not so much good at providing answers as they are good at asking the right questions so that one can find one's own answers more effectively.  Either way, a further response to his comment would be to simply ask, "ok...so how many books have you read?"  There is an ever-increasing volume of information becoming available through the libraries and the Internet related to this previously unexplored area of human experience; we do well to sift through the fluff in order to find the good stuff (which really does exist).  It is not impossible, I think, to become one's own psychologist by reading all of the books and doing all of the coursework that psychologists do, but even then there is always a certain benefit in considering someone else's perspective of what is obviously a complicated situation.  None of us can see all there is to see, all by ourselves.

Comment by brenda on February 2, 2013 at 11:44pm

Hi, Emily,
I just thought I'd let you know about a first online "Chat room support" meeting, that we'll try for at 9P.M. EST.
It may be a way for people to coordinate a time to meet, and offer support, and information, etc.
Brenda

Comment by brenda on February 2, 2013 at 11:45pm

Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't say the evening for the support group online, Monday, at 9P.M. EST. :)
Brenda

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