Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Paula A Falocco on April 12, 2012 at 10:34pm

I haven't gone thru any circumstances like you have, but I want to say THANKS for serving our country - and for going to Iraq 3 times!!

 I was diagnosed w/Asperger's recently also, so I can relate to some of your concerns. I am very fortunate to have a a really good psychologist who is helping me now. Do you have access to any health care providers that may be able to help?

It took a lot of persistence to find someone good, but it was worth it.

I hope you can find someone to help you resolve the issues that are bothering you. Please try to get some assistance if possible.

Thanks again for serving in the Army!

Permalink Reply by cpowell on April 13, 2012 at 5:09pm

I've been seeing a clinical psychologist for a few months now, since my redeployment back stateside.  Each time I've deployed it just seems harder and harder to reintegrate back into society so I am making a deliberate effort this time around.  The therapy helps, but there are some aspects she is unable to relate to.

Paula A Falocco said:

I haven't gone thru any circumstances like you have, but I want to say THANKS for serving our country - and for going to Iraq 3 times!!

 I was diagnosed w/Asperger's recently also, so I can relate to some of your concerns. I am very fortunate to have a a really good psychologist who is helping me now. Do you have access to any health care providers that may be able to help?

It took a lot of persistence to find someone good, but it was worth it.

I hope you can find someone to help you resolve the issues that are bothering you. Please try to get some assistance if possible.

Thanks again for serving in the Army!

Permalink Reply by Paula A Falocco on April 13, 2012 at 9:03pm

My psychologist didn't know a whole lot about Asperger's when i was diagnosed, but we have been learning about as we go. I have a really hard time trying to describe what i'm feeling or thinking a lot of times, but she has been able to help me with that. I found this book on line and bought a copy for her. I think it has helped her to help me. The book is 'Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Adult Asperger Syndrome' by Valerie Gaus. Here's a review of the book

 http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/book-review-cognitive-behavioral-t...

I have been told that "I don't respond too well to the normal CBT techniques", so I think this book has helped my psychologist to think outside the box. When my mood bottoms out she says she might as well talk to her coffee mug! 

There are some very helpful websites out there with some interesting articles about recent research and people with Aspergers. Tony Attwood is a well respected guru and has a lot of info at his website http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/ His book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" is very good too.

I hope some of this info will be helpful to you 

cpowell said:

I've been seeing a clinical psychologist for a few months now, since my redeployment back stateside.  Each time I've deployed it just seems harder and harder to reintegrate back into society so I am making a deliberate effort this time around.  The therapy helps, but there are some aspects she is unable to relate to.

Paula A Falocco said:

I haven't gone thru any circumstances like you have, but I want to say THANKS for serving our country - and for going to Iraq 3 times!!

 I was diagnosed w/Asperger's recently also, so I can relate to some of your concerns. I am very fortunate to have a a really good psychologist who is helping me now. Do you have access to any health care providers that may be able to help?

It took a lot of persistence to find someone good, but it was worth it.

I hope you can find someone to help you resolve the issues that are bothering you. Please try to get some assistance if possible.

Thanks again for serving in the Army!

Permalink Reply by Jared Lee Davis on April 20, 2012 at 11:04pm

@CPowell:

ADDENDUM:  I just realized that you are in Hawaii, he isn't down there so I guess if you want to write to me, go for it.  Maybe we can help each other out a bit.

  Thanks for your service.  I have Asperger's Syndrome (AS).  I was in the army for almost 3 years, went to Ranger School (there was a group of us that got recycled toward the very end of Mountain phase because I was stupid at 2am in the morning, sleep deprived for almost 3 days, etc....and I said forget doing it again).  I came close to deploying, but I decided to be done with it because I wanted to go to school, have a family, etc. and I guess you could say that I got lucky.  My second little brother just got back six months ago after getting wounded in a car bomb.  He is whole on the outside.  My first little brother got back about 3 years ago after doing like 8 years in...he is whole on the outside also despite getting in a couple close calls ambushes car bombs and ieds.  I don't know much about deploying and the other stuff, but I do know about AS and ADD and we can talk a bit if you like.  I don't know where you are, but my dad is actually at a military base in the US and is a Therapist (LISW) and he spent 2 years in 'Nam with Spec. Ops. and 3 years in Iraq counseling soldiers.  He is a truly great therapist (25 years of experience) and he would be able to help you if you were lucky enough to be in the same base that he works at now (it would be a long shot I know, but also he might know of some other good contractors where you are and might be able to push to get you seen by someone else that understands).  Let me know and I will talk to you more.  I am going to be out of commission after about Sunday April 22 because I am going to traveling for a few days (just to let you know).

Permalink Reply by cpowell on April 27, 2012 at 3:48pm

Thank you...I think talking, or even just voicing some of this stuff online...placing it into words...helps.  I've always been one for limited social contact, I never understood why I gravitated that way.  Unfortunately, that meant that those I did seek to depend on were looked to for a majority of my interaction/support.  For the year I spent in Baghdad, the aloneness and isolation I felt was absolute, and I am now working with a therapist to address some of it.  My wife...I felt very little if any support through two deployments.  I tried, working in marriage counseling as well as therapy, to open up...everything I voiced, even something as simple as trying to develop more structure and order in the house so I could feel a little more comfortable and relaxed, got turned back to me.  All was my fault, and it was up to me to do more and more with no effort on her part, while she dismissed even the simplest of my concerns.  So, last night I left and moved out.  I can be far happier alone, or at least try to move toward something called happiness, as opposed to be oppressively unhappy with her.  The change part is hard, but I could not take it anymore so I left.

Permalink Reply by cpowell on May 27, 2012 at 6:27am

As I sit here, it is past midnight...I know I want to write something (more for my own sanity than anything else), but I just don't know what.  I left my wife, moved out and plan to file for divorce.  I realize I've spent a majority of my life alone, and in many ways I truly prefer it that way.  Truth be told, she did not feel compelled to acknowledge or listen to me, and I know it's bad to say, but she ceased to serve a purpose in my life.  I feel evil for saying that, but have over the past several years gotten used to not relying on her for anything. 

I know my emotional range is limited...it is only in the past two years that I've actually consciously acknowledge it, and it still makes me feel somehow alien.  Unfortunately Aspergers is only one challenge I am coping with.  I've always been like this to some extent (except in college when I was drunk most of the time...self-medicating I'm told), but my state has been exasperated by tours of combat.  On top of that, I deal with borderline depression (the most understandable challenge when viewed as a symptom of another underlying cause) as well as several notations of having an adjustment disorder (problems faced by returning Soldiers trying to incorporate back into society).

It's stupid...my life is fractured, and I have very little solid ground to stand on anymore.  My logical mind tells me that this is the right direction, but at times I question if I have the capacity to ever truly be happy, or if I gauge my life by the level of hardship and pain I experience.  I just want to be happy.

Permalink Reply by Tammy Kacmarynski on July 7, 2012 at 8:33pm

I found a book called "Living well on the spectrum" by Valerie Gaus to be very helpful with my depression. I was unaware of the 'why' I was depressed and thus had a great deal of difficulty with resolving the issues.

Before I realized I had AS, I was struggling to find a level of contentment...happiness was so far out of my reach that I ceased to strive for it. Discovering and accepting the AS was the first step to understanding that happiness was achievable. I read 'Living well on the spectrum' by Valerie Gaus and found many useful and logically tips and perspectives.

Now that I have 'happiness', I am searching for success! Wish me luck! :}

cpowell said:

As I sit here, it is past midnight...I know I want to write something (more for my own sanity than anything else), but I just don't know what.  I left my wife, moved out and plan to file for divorce.  I realize I've spent a majority of my life alone, and in many ways I truly prefer it that way.  Truth be told, she did not feel compelled to acknowledge or listen to me, and I know it's bad to say, but she ceased to serve a purpose in my life.  I feel evil for saying that, but have over the past several years gotten used to not relying on her for anything. 

I know my emotional range is limited...it is only in the past two years that I've actually consciously acknowledge it, and it still makes me feel somehow alien.  Unfortunately Aspergers is only one challenge I am coping with.  I've always been like this to some extent (except in college when I was drunk most of the time...self-medicating I'm told), but my state has been exasperated by tours of combat.  On top of that, I deal with borderline depression (the most understandable challenge when viewed as a symptom of another underlying cause) as well as several notations of having an adjustment disorder (problems faced by returning Soldiers trying to incorporate back into society).

It's stupid...my life is fractured, and I have very little solid ground to stand on anymore.  My logical mind tells me that this is the right direction, but at times I question if I have the capacity to ever truly be happy, or if I gauge my life by the level of hardship and pain I experience.  I just want to be happy.

Permalink Reply by cpowell on July 7, 2012 at 9:38pm

I bought a few books...honestly, I haven't had much inclination to read anything.  Life has still been a mix of cruel twists and turns...the troubles of deployment are only one aspect, and even now that part just lurks in the background. 

 

As mentioned, I left my wife...filed for divorce.  Mediation was last Thursday, and for all intents and purposes she is dumping everything on me while she runs off scott free back home.  I get her car and the house, and the debts on both.  More stuff than I want to deal with...I'm always left cleaning up every else's mess, and no one ever looks after my needs, wants or desires.

 

Further...my one thought in my mind, the one thing...when I came back from OIF I, I returned to an empty house.  First marriage was gone.  Wife abandoned me.  I adopted a cat...he was, in all regards, just like me.  Out of a shelter full of cats I chose him because he bit me.  He was perfect.  Weekend before last, my soon-to-be-ex calls...he got real sick, real quick.  Cancer.  I had to have him put to sleep...I held him in my arms when he went.  He was supposed to go with me, after I got out...he was supposed to move back to the mainland with me as I found a new place to live, tried to make a new home.

 

I survive living day to day.  I wish I had better to pass on.